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My kids are fighting like cats and dogs. I can't stand it. I've tried everything, but no matter what, at least five or more times a day I have to stop them from killing each other. Why do they hurt each other so much? It's not just bickering or yelling, it's full blown hair yanking, pinching and twisting skin to hurt, banging on the head aggressively, smacking, biting, punching, etc, etc, etc. all done very aggressively, out of extreme frustration and anger, with the intent to hurt. and it won't stop until I stop it. they'll be crying of pain and will keep on brutally attacking each other. They are 3 (boy) and 5 (girl) years old, is this normal? I feel like it's mostly from my 3 year old, who has a lot of frustration and it's very hard for him to express himself properly. A part of me feels like it's my fault that he can't express himself, and that's why the fighting upsets me so much, I feel like he has a lot to express and he can't, and I feel guilty. I try so hard to stop him from fighting back, to use his words, to tell me why he's upset, but I feel like he's blocking himself from reaching out to me, and he's attacking his sister instead. He'll be steaming, and I'll be trying to keep him from attacking, and he'll be furious and explosive, desperately needing to direct his anger at his sister. It wasn't always like this, it just started recently. Is it an age/expression thing? He's very verbal, so I'm surprised he needs to be physical to get this out. Could it be the baby? We have a seven month old, and maybe he's got undealt-with feelings about this?
The other thing is that I was hit a lot as a child, so this is very hard for me to see and experience. Could it be that I'm focusing on it too much, out of fear/discomfort, which is making them do it more? In my house, my father was the only one who could hit, my brother and I had to be perfect angels with each other – we were never allowed to fight, and we were never given tools to work things out, either. it was expected that we'd always be happy with each other. This skews my perception of normal. Could I be making to big a deal of this? i also feel very aggressive a lot, feeling the only way to solve things is through hitting, because of how my father solved everything, I don't follow through (I did when they were younger, unfortunately) could they be picking up on my feelings?
I'm at a loss, I just wish they would stop!
I need tapping suppot. I've tried, but to no effect. Can anyone make some sense of this post and give me some ideas?
Thank you!
Rachae Leah
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